I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Someone signed my nipple.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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