i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just invented taco cereal.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
