Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
