What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
