yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
