My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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