Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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