Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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