Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
