I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
