I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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