I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
