There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize