She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
