Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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