I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He passed out mid-signature
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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