OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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