bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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