Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
