theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
