Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
