we're chasing vodka with high fives
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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