I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
