If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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