im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
