considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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