I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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