$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
