You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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