Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
