why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
