I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
