does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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