I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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