After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
