tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
