It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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