wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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