Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
