alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
