So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
