it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
