like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
