I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize