problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
