i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
