Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
