Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
