hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
