The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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