Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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