did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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