Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
