I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
