Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
