this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
