Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
