Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
