I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
