Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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