No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
