Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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