Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i think my cat just said my name.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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