The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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