I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
