can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
