vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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