OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
